Jennifer Leialoha

I can be stronger than my past in order to conquer my future. I will keep telling myself until its...

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 08:47:36 -0700

I can be stronger than my past in order to conquer my future.

I will keep telling myself until its second nature. I don’t have to succumb to my past experiences, the person that allowed others to mistreat her, her non-existent self-esteem, her lack of faith in people, her paranoia.

I can be whatever and whoever and however I want to be.

And I choose strength.
I choose confidence.
I choose positivity.
I choose happiness.
I choose not settling for mistreatment because I don’t think I can do better.
I choose knowing that I can, and that I deserve it.

I deserve goodness. I deserve love.
And I expect them.

In the past 24 hours

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 22:59:42 -0700

I have had multiple friends ask me for relationship/guy advice, etc. And its amusing to me, cause at the end of the conversations they tell me “you’re so smart”, or some other complimentary remark.

All I can think is “Yep, clearly I have it all figured out. Please take note of my invisible boyfriend over here, and for further evidence, here is my string of failed relationships.”

ha ha. Poor suckers. Oh well. I try to give good advice. Here’s to a better future for all of us.

Good night everyone. I’m going to the gym in the morning. Like I keep telling my friends with boyfriends—you have a boyfriend, and I have a six pack. No one sees it, but I have it.
xoxo

I am an architect of days that haven’t happened yetI...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 16:17:00 -0700

I am an architect of days that haven’t happened yet
I can’t believe a month is all it’s been
You know my paper heart
The one I filled with pencil marks
I think i might have gone and inked you in

Little by little, inch by inch
We built a yard with a garden in the middle of it
It ain’t much but its a start
You got me swaying right along to the song in your heart
And a face to call home, you got a face to call home

So good you didn’t see the nervous wreck I used to be
You never know a man could feel so small
And you never look at me like I’m a liability
I bet you think I’ve never been at all

Maybe I could stay a while, maybe I could stay a while
I’m talking bout all of the time

Maybe I could

- this is exactly how I one day hope to feel about someone -

I feel strongly confronted by my strengths, their purpose, and my life’s purpose. These things...

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 22:29:33 -0700

I feel strongly confronted by my strengths, their purpose, and my life’s purpose.

These things all exist outside the confines of society, expectation, or career.

I appreciate this moment of clarity, with full acceptance that clarity is not always a lengthy visitor, at least not to this degree.

I think I will sleep with a peaceful sense of gratitude tonight.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Whatever or whomever you all may be.

Jennifer Leialoha

"In grade school they say you have to pick a profession and stick to it…and people stop looking..."

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 10:49:59 -0700

“In grade school they say you have to pick a profession and stick to it…and people stop looking at their lives as a work in progress. If you don’t stay in touch with yourself, you kind of lose focus. If you’re going to spend a life in the arts, you need to be infused with a sense of gratitude and a sense of wonder. It’s a privilege to do this profession. But there is a payment you have to make for that privilege, which is to do your best all the time. To challenge yourself.”

- Ethan Hawke

Does anyone else ever experience the intense pain of longing when you have such a deep emotional...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 17:03:33 -0700

Does anyone else ever experience the intense pain of longing when you have such a deep emotional connection to a song and it is so overpowering and intoxicating, all you want is to share it with another person and have them feel exactly what you’re feeling so that you’re not alone in that moment, but you know it defies description and even if they were in the moment with you, it still wouldn’t feel like you wish it would?

So overwhelmed by that feeling right now. And everyday, really. God, I love music. So much it hurts.

It’s all changing before my eyes, before I can even acclimate. This friend married, that one...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 20:27:37 -0700

It’s all changing before my eyes, before I can even acclimate. This friend married, that one might as well be, this one buying a house, that one pregnant.

And I can’t even seem to graduate from college.

How can you catch up, and why this obsession with trying to?

I think I’d much prefer living on the fringes individually soaring, dancing, gliding to whatever altitude, song, or current I paint with my own soul to stumbling in this collective misery perpetuated by expectation, greed, shame, and a structure for the sake of keeping every man in his place.

When do you hit the age where you become afraid to dream,
stripped of passion, and you ease your pace in order to blend in and live comfortably?

I hate the part of me that is so content to simply exist as I am and fears change simply because of comfort.

Oh, I hate how I love comfort.
How I love things.
How I give them power over my life,
my livelihood,
my decisions.

I wish I were more brave. If I were I would have left a long time ago. I would travel, work along the way, fall in love with places and people, only to fall out of love and continue on my way.

I would write songs that mean nothing to anyone but me.

I would pierce my nose, dye my hair, tattoo myself, metamorphosize over and over again just to remind myself that none of it has permanence on my eternal entity.

I would make love to man, to woman, to the beauty of the deeper and deepest essence of humanity with no fear of rejection.

Real love knows no fear.
Pure love knows no bounds.

But I fear the age when my passion starts to slip, my love becomes a brittle thing, fragile and unseemly as my mortal frame will become with time.

Is it real, or do some let it happen?
How can I combat this slipping away?
How can I take the good with me as I journey on?

Will I ever know?

And I say I’m not a romantic. HA, that is all.

Jennifer Leialoha

It’s awesome enough when you find someone who you vibe with musically. Then, when on top of...

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 10:09:24 -0700

It’s awesome enough when you find someone who you vibe with musically.

Then, when on top of that, you discover you vibe when it comes to songwriting with them…

…you understand what was missing all the other times you tried with other people.

And it’s so exciting! Alex and I wrote a song last night, and the process flowed in a perfectly organic way. I thumbed through my notebook and found a free write I had done a few weeks ago, I told him about the idea I had in my mind and some musings I’d been doing as of late, he started into this really lovely chord progression, I started humming a melody, then we reworked the lyrics from the free write.

Inspiration
+
Guitar
+
loop station
+
voice
+
keyboard drums
+
iPhone = strong rough draft

I can feel every inch of my soul thanking me for the opportunity to exercise creativity.

More to come, I hope.

I’m not fashionable. I’m not trendy. I’m not beautiful, but when the light catches...

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 00:23:00 -0700

I’m not fashionable. I’m not trendy. I’m not beautiful, but when the light catches just right and the right person is looking I’m a certain kind of lovely.

I’m just a soul trapped in a body waiting to be set free

Inspiration in, inspiration out.

I can’t always catch it before it falls.

I can’t decide if I feel anything for anyone, or nothing at all.

I don’t understand this melancholy I feel. Or how to fill a void I never knew existed. I don’t miss anyone, I just don’t know what to do with all the space they left behind. I don’t trust anyone to fill it, nor could they. New experience will yield something different. Of that I am certain.

But for now, emptiness.
Definitely different.

I remember

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 13:32:52 -0700

what it was like having someone who wanted to end their nights with me.

That was a long time ago.

And I can’t be what I need, And I can’t treat you...

Thu, 31 May 2012 13:26:00 -0700

And I can’t be what I need, And I can’t treat you right. When nothing lasts forever. This my friend won’t pass in the night This my friend is still good bye

Can I, can I save you from you Cause you know there’s...

Tue, 15 May 2012 11:42:00 -0700

Can I, can I save you from you
Cause you know there’s something
Missing and that champagne you’ve
Been sipping’s not supposed to make you
Different all the time.

It’s starting to feel like the wrong thing to do;
Cause with all that recognition
It gets hard for you to listen to the things
That I must say to make you mine.
But live girl, have some fun girl. We’ll be fine
Trying to convince myself I found one
Making a mistake I never learned from

I swear, I always fall for your type
For your type.
Tell me why, I always fall for your type
For your type.
I just cant explain this shit at all
I believe in people like you

Cause who am I to judge you on the past, girl
I bet there’s a reason for it all
You say that you’re nothing like the last girl
I just pray that you don’t let me down right now
But it’s too late ‘cause I’m already yours
You just gotta promise me hearts won’t break
And end up like before

I swear, I always fall for your type
For your type.
Tell me why, I always fall for your type
For your type.
I just can’t explain this shit at all
I believe in people like you

Look
Dress hangin’ off your shoulder, barely sober
Telling me how you’re moving away and starting over
Girl, quit playin’ you just drunk, you just saying shit
And oh you dance, dance like how? Like ballet and shit?
Oh, wait, no I get it girl, I’m wit it
I been down this road before and yeah I skid it
But forget it, damn, damn
I wonder why I never learned my lesson
It’s feeling like its second chance and it’s the first impression
And I heard there’s nothing new except for someone new
But how you supposed to find the one when anyone don’t come with you
Talking to myself but I never listen
Cause, man, it’s been a while and I swear that this one’s different
That’s why I’ma take you anywhere you wanna go
Let you meet my friends so they can lecture me again
About how reckless I have been
And I’m slowly running out of all the time that I invested
Making all the same mistakes
And I’m just trying to correct it, and I fall

I swear, I always fall for your type
For your type.
Tell me why, I always fall for your type
For your type.
I just can’t explain this shit at all
I believe in people like you

FAT KID RULES THE WORLD KICKSTARTER

Tue, 15 May 2012 11:09:44 -0700

FAT KID RULES THE WORLD KICKSTARTER:

jacobwysocki:

I did this cool movie. I want you all to see this cool movie.

We can’t find major distribution and want the world to see this.

Donate. help.

BUT most importantly.

Reblog this. Share the word

And then I ran away

Sun, 06 May 2012 09:31:25 -0700

And then I ran away

I am in tears from the beautiful phone conversation I just had with a dear friend. A true kindred...

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 21:04:21 -0700

I am in tears from the beautiful phone conversation I just had with a dear friend. A true kindred spirit.

I love these moments in my life when I just know how right it all is — everything, even that which has gone seemingly wrong only to be so right.

I feel so healthy. So in touch with the earth. And I know it is all as it should be. And that is a peace of mind which nothing else can devalue or replace.

I love you all.

Stay grounded in what is real and what really matters. It isn’t what people spend their lives seeking without consciousness. Slow down and take the time to find it. It is right where you stand. Every time. Wake up. Feel alive. You’re still breathing. What more do you need?

And when you can see what matters, you can find the courage within yourself to let go of the things that do not, and discover the wisdom to know the difference.

Be someone who walks the earth without shoes on their feet.

Walking through life without shoes. Slowing to feel the earth beneath your feet. Stopping to take in...

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:54:12 -0700

Walking through life without shoes.

Slowing to feel the earth beneath your feet.

Stopping to take in the moments of joy and pain,

the beautiful and the tragically disfigured,

and all the shades in between.

Almost Love song

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 23:26:02 -0700

Write a song about the fear of not being able to fall in love the way you did the first time. Not being able to let yourself go and really fall because you’re afraid of an ending. I think that is the frustration I’m feeling right now. I’m scared I won’t let myself feel the way I did about my first ever again, which is probably why this last relationship was a failure. It seemed safe to be with someone who wouldn’t fall in love with me.

But I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to let myself really care, even if the right person comes into my life.

Somebody needs to write that song.

I’m trying to fall asleep but my mind is churning with thoughts and ideas.

L O S E
o v e n
v e l d
e r f e
c i a
o s v
m h o
e r
s s

So excited for creation

Why did you make me this way? A soft touch, a kiss or two, and a string is wrapped around my heart,...

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 21:56:20 -0700

Why did you make me this way? A soft touch, a kiss or two, and a string is wrapped around my heart, thin though it may be.

Coming at me from every direction, sweet nothings. Can’t keep up. Can’t protect myself. Always wanting to fall.

Give me strength to stand or something to lean on.

February 11th, 2011

Even when it’s no longer for you, it’s still about you.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:05:00 -0700

Even when it’s no longer for you, it’s still about you.

Every book in here I wroteSome I’m not too proud of, some I wish I could burnSo many pages I...

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:50:12 -0700

Every book in here I wrote
Some I’m not too proud of, some I wish I could burn
So many pages I wrote, wish I could revise them
But there’s no erasing and the best advice I got

Was keep writing, and keep living, and keep loving

And when the ink dries and the pages turn to dust so will we
turn to dust